Insanity
by xXLaurenTaiXx
Summary: Blinding white walls, they held her in. The only way to save the Victor is if his love finally made a reappearance.
1. Insanity

**_Insanity_**

_I felt the heat of the gaze_

_The searing pain of the bullet_

_The white walls that surround me_

_Pulling me into the inevitable void_

_Could you be my angel?_

_Could you be my guardian?_

_Wipe away all my tears_

_Hold me on your shoulder when they fall_

_The white light is blinding_

_And where were you?_

_When the skies were gray?_

_When my tears fell down so aimlessly?_

_Tell me its alright to cry_

_Tell me, hold me, never, ever leave me_

* * *

My throat was sore from all the screaming I had done. My hands were a bloody mess, I had hit this wall so many times. The blinding whiteness of them burned my eyes, the red of the blood was refreshing. They were never going to let me out. They thought I was insane, crazy, psychopathic. It was horrid, and I knew they watched me from the glass. I knew they were there. No one could save me. No one.

* * *

I watched her, day after day. Locked in her white imprisonment, when she had lost, she had woken up. They all had, but they had all gone home now. None of them were quite like her, though. She was a beauty. With her brown hair and fiery gray eyes. There was another beauty, blonde with sky baby blue eyes. She was a mans' dream, for she was prefect in every way. I knew she was more of a pawn like the others, for they had all shaken it off as a dream of pain and suffering, going "home" when it was done. This girl though, she was much to our amusement, a never-give-up determined kind of person. For she had been from the lowly District, District Twelve. For each game is designed to get into their heads and give everyone an entertainment. They had all gone "home" which was in-fact, a place where all the "killed" tributes go to live after the games. For everyone had thought they had actually died, but we never did that. It was for fear, but we didn't want to just go around _killing _innocent children, we had made it so the games were shown from each tributes perspective, and die when it came. While everyone will wake up when they die or win, their memories of this were faded to seem more like a dream. For they all knew what had happened, but denied the fact to it. Their families were grieving, but what they didn't and never will know, is that they are all alive and well. The problem with this girl, was that she had killed herself. This has never really happened, for they all have been very viscous to one another, each willing to kill to survive when necessary. This girl, had loved the Victor very much. She willingly let him win, by sacrificing herself. He was a very handsome boy, blonde hair with blazing blue eyes. He was tall and very muscular. While there was a brute who looked strikingly familiar, the girl had killed him and herself in order for the boy to win. He was very depressed when he had left, I knew he had kept his memories as well. Knowing very well she was dead. In-fact, there had been two couples in this years games. This girl and the victor, and the brute and this small framed girl. She was not very developed, but she was gorgeous for her age. Brown hair, and beautiful cat like hazel eyes. She and the brute were living in the same tribute living space. It was inevitable for they soon became partners. While as the girl with the fiery eyes, her partner was being used as a pawn. He didn't ever agree with it, but he was too depressed to keep them away any longer. In the beginning he pushed them all away, but now, he doesn't even know what happens. He's just a hallow void, we have to get him to cooperate. This girl may just be the key.

* * *

**Disclaimer; I was going to put the disclaimer at the top, but it would have ruined the effect. This was very amusing to write, it seems way more mature than my usual writing. Hope you liked this...Menacing, psychopathic Hunger Games. So, please comment or review. **


	2. The Inevitable White

**_The Inevitable White_**

_Awaken with a bloody fist_

_Throat hoarse from screams_

_Eyes stung as I closed them again_

_I watched my halo fade away_

_The inevitable white was blinding_

_The void of unknown called to me_

_My dear lover, will I ever see you again?_

_The blood from the children haunted my soul_

_The red against white softened the blow_

_For you my love, I took a life, and my own_

_If you saw me now, I'm sure you'd cry_

_For my life has almost drained away, but here you are_

_My sweet lover, how nice to see you again_

* * *

I sat on the floor of the white room. It blinded my eyes, the blood did nothing to relieve my conscious. It had been weeks, and I knew I looked like a mess. A bloody one at that, but what did it matter? No one was going to come save me. There was no Peeta in this entire mess. He was no longer here to comfort me with hugs and simple whispers of generosity. For all I knew, this was Hell. I'm no alive, and now I live in sorrow and pain. I wore nothing but the white gown I had during my time when I was prepped. It hung loosely at my shoulders, held by a tie on the back. My appearance didn't matter anymore, I was dead. I chuckled lowly at this, but it came out as more of a raspy growl. The only time I had ever gotten anything was when I needed to eat. For that, they slid it in through an invisible door. For that reason, I realized, is the reason, the only reason, I know I am alive. The walls seemed solid, but I knew they saw me, watched me. I felt eyes on me, but refused to turn around. This entire room, with its painstaking bright white glow, was probably just glass. They observed my behavior, they wanted to break me, they never could. For as far as I was concerned, everyone I love was fine. Peeta, Prim, Gale, mother, they were all fine. I knew they were, I felt that they were. I trusted my instincts, and this one I was positive of. I looked down at my fists, they were caked in dry blood. Some of the cuts were flowing freely. My throat burned, and I wanted to call for water or food. I wished, just for once, I could see my family again. That and I missed Peeta dearly. Too bad wishes didn't come true.

"Kat-Katniss?" I looked up to see Peeta standing over me. He had tears in his eyes, looking like he was so depressed. I could see the deep black circles under his eyes. Like he had stayed up all night, for weeks.

"Peeta?" I rasped of my chapped lips and sore throat, "No, you can't be real. You're not real. This is all just a dream."

He dropped to his knees, grabbing my face in his hands. He whispered, "What did they do to you?"

He pulled me toward him, not caring that I didn't react. Peeta looked well, his blonde hair was shining off the light of the room. His eyes were dull, but brighter when he looked at me. He wore a green t-shirt, jeans, and leather boots. He looked well, I knew he was alive. I finally felt again, the pain, the joy, the love. I knew he had been used as a Capitol pawn, but I never wanted to admit it.

"Peeta, they haven't done anything. I've done this to myself." I looked him in the eye, to tell him it was the truth.

"Katniss, why?" He took my hands in his, and looked at me sadly.

"I figured, its better to fight for a dying cause than just to have sat here and done nothing."

"I thought you died."

"I thought so too."

"What is this place?"

"I'm not sure. Did you wake up when the Games were over?"

"Yes. I was in a room identical to this one."

I heard a door open, I turned to see a man standing in the doorway. He was about twenty-five, with deep red hair, green eyes, and a pale complexion. He wore a simple lab coat, black pants, and black dress shoes. He had freckles, everywhere. I couldn't say he was handsome, but he wasn't hard on the eyes.

"Peeta," The man spoke, "Come with me."

"No." Peeta clung tighter to me.

"Peeta. Now." restated, calmly.

"I. Said. No." Peeta replied, "Not without Katniss."

"Bring her as you wish." The man sighed.

Peeta pulled me up, then lifted my legs. He carried me bridal style, the man looked on wearily.

"Peeta," I whispered, "Who is he?"

"I'm not exactly sure, but I believe his name is-"

"My name is Xavier." He replied.

"X-Xavier?" I stuttered, I knew that name, but from where?

"Xavier Snow." He replied, and kept walking. Unaware of the fact I was now shaking in Peeta's arms. I looked frantically at Peeta, and he returned the gaze back, calmly. Shaking his head, to tell me it was alright, until I stopped shaking. Though, I clung tighter to Peeta. "Now, Peeta, I need you to go through this room. I'll watch Katniss, I promise you no harm." Finishing he looked from Peeta than to me.

"No. She's coming with me." Peeta stated, not letting go of me.

"I'm afraid that can not happen. She needs to stay." Xavier

"No." Peeta restated.

"Peeta, please. Just do this one thing without arguing." Xavier sighed.

"Peeta, its fine. I'll be fine." I rasped, and gave him a small smile of encouragement.

He put me down, and I immediately sank to the floor. He gave me a small kiss on my forehead, and walked into the room. Now that was left was me and this wretched son of President Snow.


	3. Invisible Door

**_Invisible Door_**

_Deep breaths_

_I opened the door_

_Only to see my love bleeding out on the floor_

_Knowing she had done this to herself_

_It took my strength away_

_I wanted to hold her close_

_Tell her its okay to cry_

_But she wouldn't, her pride and strength too strong_

_I cried at the sight_

_As she looked up to see me_

_Alive, she was but a bloody mess_

_They've done it again, taken someone strong and broken them_

_The invisible door they've locked her in_

_I only wish I could have saved her from killing herself for me_

* * *

Sitting on the floor, she sat perfectly still. Never lifting her eyes from the wall. Motionless. Blood-caked. Battered. Bruised. Thin. Beautifully hallow. I thought she was dead, but this was worse. She deteriorated whether she was alive or dead. Yet, the fire still burned bright in her gray eyes. Determination was one of her best and worse traits. Tears threatened to spill from my dulled eyes. They had changed me, made me see things I want to forget. I had always believed that if Katniss and I got out, she would be my first. Yet, when she killed herself, I knew I would be used as a pawn. Each growing minute of those horrid "sessions" burned into my mind. Each more rough than the last. I hated it, I never got too involved. Never. A part of me kept that piece of innocence there, way back in my brain. Only reserved to feel again, if I saw her. Now that I did, it reopened. The pain of losing her, the joy of being with her, the love I had missed all flooded back to me as I gazed at her bloodily state. She was still her, and I had saved a piece of me for her.

"Kat-Katniss?" I spoke without realizing it, surprising myself and her.

"Peeta?" She rasped out of her too dry lips and it sounded like she had been screaming for weeks on end, like I haven't slept for weeks on end.

I dropped my my knees, grabbing her face in my hands, just to make sure she was there and not a dream.

"What did they do to you?" I whispered into her hair.

"Peeta, they haven't done anything. I've done this to myself." She replied, still raspy. Looking me in the eye to tell me, she told the truth. It broke my heart hearing her say that. I knew it, but to hear her say it, it was unacceptable.

"Katniss, why?" I looked at her with my sad eyes, the most determined, beautiful, strong-headed girl I'd ever known, knowing they had broken her. Keeping her here, it must have been horrible. They may have thought of her as a psychopathic, but they made her like this.

"I figured, its better to fight for a dying cause than just to have sat here and done nothing." She tried to shrug, but she was much too weak. I smiled into her hair, knowing she must have been hitting that wall pretty hard. She didn't give up, she wasn't broken. She was still her, and I still had a piece of me.

* * *

I didn't want to leave her there, outside with President Snow's son, but I didn't have much of a choice. Seeing as I was going to tall to the devil himself.

"Ah, Peeta, have a nice reunion with your suicidal lover?" President Snow didn't even look up, he just kept writing something on the paper in front of him. I hoped it was his will, I couldn't stand this demon of a person. They had paper? Its the Capitol, shouldn't they have electronics of some sort?

"Yes. I did." No point in lying, right?

"Well that's good. Oh and Peeta?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"I'm relieving of your sessions. I'm going to have a huge wedding right before the next games for you and Katniss."

"That sounds fantastic, Sir."

"I'm glad you enjoy the idea."

"I do, indeed."

"That was all, you are dismissed." I turned and left the room, as soon as he spoke those words.

The ironic part, is that I had already known this was going to happen. The Star-Crossed-Lovers from District Twelve had a huge affect on people when Katniss killed herself for me. As no one was angry at me for not saving her, as I did try in vain to grab them from her throat. It was no use, as I sat there crying when they pulled me away. I didn't ever want her dead, even if it was all a mind game. I couldn't cope without her, and if she was to really die, I don't exactly know what I'd do. For the last time, I constantly tried to kill myself. So often, they finally had a guard watch me when I was alone. It didn't matter now I guess, I had Katniss.

* * *

I looked into the hallway, to see Katniss still on the floor and Xavier sitting opposite to her.

"That was quick." Xavier stated and got up. I offered my hand to Katniss, without hesitation she grabbed, and I pulled her up. She clung onto me tightly, holding herself up. Its probably been a while since she had stood up. I chuckled lightly, grabbing her legs up to carry her.

"Alright," Xavier said, stretching, "Follow me."

We didn't speak, numbly I followed him, carrying Katniss safely in my arms. He lead us down many stairwells and hallways until we stopped in front of an elevator.

"I think you know where this is heading, as you will be staying in the Capitol until after your wedding." Xavier spoke, and gave a little sigh, but that might have been my imagination. He pressed the up arrow and seconds later we were on our way up the elevator.

* * *

**Disclaimer; Worst chapter ever, but, ****_but, _****I hope you enjoyed it. The poetry is something I enjoy doing. As this one and the others, I wrote them on the back of my finals...My teachers must think I'm emo or something...Aw well.**


	4. Coward

**_Coward_**

_I was no knight, not at all like him_

_I was a coward who hid when it came_

_I feared my father as he feared his_

_I knew this was wrong, yet I let it go by_

_When I saw it first, I cried_

_Whipped into shape, I found I did _

_I did indeed love her_

_This girl we locked away_

_Her fire, she never gave up_

_But, I did and I regret it_

_I was wrong to, but it's all I've ever known_

_To push away my feelings_

_Bury them deep inside_

_I was ready to walk away_

_When she pulled me back and told me to stay_

_With her, forever_

_But, it couldn't be_

_She feared me_

_I could tell, she couldn't deny_

_That's when I realized_

_It was nothing but a dream_

_For, I was always_

_Always will be_

_Always going to be_

_Never going to stop being_

_A coward_

* * *

I lead them onto the elevator, taking them up to the room they stayed in before the games. It was silent, but all I could think about was the fact that she wouldn't be there for me to watch anymore. Days I had watched her, and now here he is to take her away. I guess I should have seen this coming anyway, I was the President's son. The man who was most feared in the world, so I guess that would make me second? Why would I even think about this? It isn't like she would ever look at anyone besides her dear lover, I wouldn't fit in. Not with her fire, her determination, and her uniqueness. I would ruin it, as I've done so many times. Cut off from my thoughts, as the ding signaled the possible last time I would ever see this beautiful girl.

"Well, here you are." I gave them a tight smile, watching them walk out.

"Oh, Xavier?" She had stopped Peeta.

"Yes?" I looked over at her, her grey fire starting at me.

"I wish you the best, I know you were the one watching." She gave me a forced smile, trying to be nice. No doubt going to tell Peeta all about how horrid I am.

She knew, and she didn't care, much. It didn't matter, of all the people, she knew.

"As do I, Mr. and Mrs. Mellark." I spat out the name.

I turned on my heel, and headed back into the elevator.

"Xavier?" Peeta had put Katniss down, as she was standing there. Hands around his waist, as he did the same for her. I wanted to hurl.

"Yes?" I kept in a snarl, as I threw the words over my shoulder.

"S-stay with us? W-we don't really know anyone." He stuttered, Katniss probably nudged him to say so.

"Will that be alright?" I had my back turned to them, but allowed myself to take a peek back that them.

I heard Katniss and Peeta argue for a bit, before I heard a faint yes.

"Xavier, join us at the table for dinner?" Peeta smiled down at Katniss, whilst she smiled lovingly up at him. My stomach knotted, feeling as through I'd been stabbed repeatedly.

I nodded, solemnly, and stalked over to the table like a child. Though, I was the oldest, I was merely two years older. Though I've been often told I looked older. One had said I looked twenty-five, to which I was laughing hysterically. I was about fifteen when that happened, quite amusing.

"So, Xavier, what would you like to eat?" Peeta mumbled, having Katniss sitting on his lap.

"What ever you decide to dine on, I'll eat as well." I replied.

"Stew?" Katniss mumbled back to Peeta, smiling. I presumed it was the stew they had in the games. I heard it was delicious, I just had never tried it.

* * *

I left when they started to get a bit more into their "Kiss you like I will never let you go ever again" thing, heading toward the elevator. When I get back to my room, I'd have to just hurl out all my now lonely life. The girl with the bravery to suicide, the girl with the fiery eyes, I left The Girl on Fire to the Victor's expense. It hurt to know I'd never get to watch her, no matter what state she was in. Bloody, she was beautiful, well in general she was beautiful. I can't help but feel like I just let the best thing slip out of my life. I guess it doesn't matter now, if she was happy with him that would be enough. They dearly loved each other, and this was not something I could mettle with. I glanced back at the newly engaged couple for the last time before the elevator doors slid closed. Dropping back down to the lobby at speed sickeningly fast, but something I had gotten used to. I walked away, pushing the emotions deep down and my feelings emptied. I was a pawn more than anything else, but they didn't know one thing about me. My father and I both knew we couldn't hurt a soul, but we could damage their minds beyond repair. Well, all that's left to do now is run away from this mess. At least, since I can't run away, I'll take whatever memories I had of this and throw them away. No more Katniss, no more Peeta, but the thing is, I couldn't let it go.


End file.
